Monday, August 9, 2010

Do what you need to

Jeff and I watched the movie, Catch and Release, last night. Of course it was about someone dying in the first few minutes..the main character fiance. When watching movies like these it makes me remember my late husband, Israel.

The numbness I felt for six months. The unknowing future but knowing that life could not stop. Laura was six months old and starting to babble words, sit on her own and sleep 6 hours a night. She deserved the best because she was mourning as well. I have so many details of that time period that I'm sure I'll share with you during the course of this blog. But these are the main things that were the hardest for me:

1. Knowing that Laura missed her father but I had no way of explaining to her what happened.
2. Singing songs that Laura loved but me and Israel sang together for the first dozen times after he died.
3. Figuring out how to care for her. He did most of the physical part at night and on weekends when I didn't have assistance.
4. Having to turn the light off myself. When I went to sleep in my bed at home for the first time, it felt strange to turn the light off because that was his 'job.'
5. Not being kissed or hugged by him. Not holding hands.

It was all a weird time and not to be forgotten. No one should have to go through losing a spouse but we do and it makes us humnan.

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