Monday, August 26, 2013

Jeff and Jessica

Jeff and I are trying to avoid mistakes that so many couples make and relationship experts warn about- love your children but don't forget to nurture your relationship as a couple. It sounds so simple to say but much harder than you think. 

Laura goes to bed at 8 but Jason is between 9-9:30.  So by the time he's in bed, our alone time is limited because I need to get up Laura for the bus and the morning shift of Jason. During the day I have an attendant until 3 and then it's time for Jeff to get Laura. Then we both take care of them until bed.

The lack of our time was making us cranky with each other. So we have friends that help us out by watching Jason so we can see a movie and recently one night a month to go out dancing. 

Last Thursday we went to see The Butler. Jeff and I laughed because we were surrounded by the ladies of the Red Hat Society! We were definitely the minority. But we had a blast because they were all making comments and it added to the movie. 

The next night we went dancing.  As you know from previous posts, going out dancing is a love/hate relationship for me. I have my own insecurities and sometimes people just treat me very odd. I admit I've had a  pretty negative attitude towards going dancing ever since Jason has been born. 

However, dancing is something Jeff really enjoys and I do too! So we went to one place but the band was horrible.  We drove down the road to another place and the band was so much better. 

But as soon as I entered the dance floor the crazy people surrounded me. A guy in a cowboy hat, an unusually tall man and a middle aged woman surrounded my chair. At first, I refused to dance with anyone and tried to dance with my husband. However cowboy kept wanting to dance so instead of ruining the night, I agreed and danced with him for a minute. He asked if I'd dance again and I simply said, "maybe. "

The rest of the night was perfect. We danced together like when we were dating. In the back of my mind I thought about getting up early with Jason but it was worth it.  Jeff let me sleep. I relieved him around 9 and then I napped a bit in the afternoon. All was good. 

Jeff's birthday

Jeff's birthday was last Sunday. Birthdays have always been a special.  It's one day we can celebrate the unique wonderful person they are. 

I planned a birthday for him based on hints he has been throwing all year.  It took some planning ahead since I don't have an attendant on the weekend. I picked up his cookie cake at Mrs. Fields at the mall.  I also bought him a pop corn popper because his is beginning to fail. Jeff loves pop corn! 

Lastly I asked my dad to babysit Jason so on Sunday I could take Jeff and Laura to Carrabas Restaurant. He's been hinting on that forever. Even though I'd love to take Jason, he's just not into restaurants right now. It makes it tough for Jeff to feed me, himself and keep Jason happy. So my dad agreed to babysit. 

When his birthday came, Jeff felt very happy I remembered all of his likes. Like every marriage, we have our ups and downs but in the end,my life is definitely happier with him in it. We seem to have the right mix of similarities and differences. Sometimes we think we just fight because we are bored.

Being parents to two kids has added stress on our relationship, but we are always trying to steer into the right direction. Jeff never gives up on anything he's passionate about which is one of a million things why I am in love with him!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Happy 6 months!

Jason has turned six months! I can't believe my tiny little boy has turned into such a sweet healthy and active baby. He's rolling both ways, fascinated by his hands and feet. And I never met such a happy easy going baby before. 

Jason loves to smile and interact with people. He might need a few minutes to get to know you but once he does, he will smile and laugh with you. I absolutely love seeing him in the morning. He gives a brilliant "how ya doing mama?" expression and smile! 

It's amazing how intelligent babies are. He knows a lot of my capabilities. Jason doesn't expect me to pick him up. He just knows that I do things differently for him and that is just fine. His eyes twinkle when I sing songs that he recognizes. He loves music! 

On Monday we gave him his first baby food. It was carrots. At first, he made the strangest expression, cried for a second and then opened his mouth again. He ate it all with little problem. 

Jason now weighs 18 pounds and is 26 inches tall.  In comparison, Laura weighed 19 pounds at one!  I'm getting used to buying bigger clothes at a faster rate. But most importantly,  he's healthy, learning, and happy. 

Jeff is helping him learn to clap and sit on his own.  We both are impressed with his ability to play with toys and enjoy them. Jason loves his family! 

Mommy and Laura Day

It's been a very busy few days! I feel a little more settled now because Laura and I accomplished a lot and spent much wonderful precious time together. 

On Friday I was the first to wake up. Laura came out about fifteen minutes later all adorable and sleepy eyed. She said she felt excited for mommy Laura day.  I had her shower and get ready. 

After I was ready, did some cleaning and Jeff returned from the gym- we left by 10:30. Our first stop was Wegmans to eat lunch. Laura picked it. For those who never heard of Wegmans, it's a grocery store with assorted stations to choose from. Laura picked chicken noodle soup and I got a hoagie. After she finished I let her pick something from the bakery and she ate it after the haircut. 

We were in time for her Sweet and Sassy appointment. Sweet and Sassy is a salon for little girls. I have groupons for it so Laura got her hair and nails done. I got a kick out of seeing her all girly when during the week she was catching frogs! 

We ate our bakery goods and then headed to Toys R Us.  My dad gave her a gift card there that we haven't used yet so I thought it would be the perfect time. Laura made smart choices. She picked an etch sketch, a pack of baby doll supplies and a toy she could design by color and play with it. 

I purchased a few bibs, baby food and toys for Jason on his gift cards. It's hard to buy something for one and not the other. 

We then made our last stop at King of Prussia Mall. I went there specifically so I could get Jeff a cookie cake for his birthday. While we waited, we had milkshakes and a stop at Build a Bear. Laura made a very cute bear and we enjoyed doing it together. 

After we picked up a present and the cake, we went home. Laura didn't want to leave but my attendant was off duty soon. So we went home to play and eat dinner. It was a spectacular day!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

New attendant and end of our summer...

It has been a great week but busy. Laura went to Pirate week with my dad, nephew, and sister. It is in upstate New York and as you can imagine, I missed her like crazy. I knew she was having an amazing time so that makes me feel better. 

On Sunday we had two unexpected visitors. One was Jeff's mom. She had some fun with Jason. Afterwards we went to a car show and Target. We met my sister(in law but more of a sister)  at Max and Erma. 

Even though we swore off restaurants until Jason is older, we went. Just as expected, Jason was pretty much fussy the whole meal. We all did the best we could but a fussy baby is no fun at restaurants. But I enjoyed seeing her and catching up. 

On Monday, my new attendant started! As anyone knows who relies on attendants, the first day is stressful. However, she did great. She loves Jason and so good with him. 

The rest of the week was full of cleaning, playing with Jason,errands, work out, coupons, grocery shopping, writing and some relaxing. My dad sent me pictures of Laura often so that helped!

The reality of Laura going back to school hit like a ton of bricks. Her new teacher called to introduce herself and I filled out back to school forms. The biggest sign in our house that school is coming is the school menu and bus schedule hanging on our refrigerator. 

For just a few more days, I'll hang on to summer with all of my might. Tomorrow I'm taking Laura out for a mommy Laura day filled with salon, shopping and food.  Over the weekend, we will have fun and enjoy the summer! 

Sunday, August 11, 2013

My apologies......

It seems though my last few blogs concerned some of my readers. I'm still my happy optimistic self. I'm having a great time caring for Jason and Laura. I love being a wife and just me.  Whenever I write a darker blog, it doesn't mean I'm unstable. I'm just expressing my feelings at that time with the hope I'm educating others. I'm just like everyone else - bad days and good days.  Thanks for worrying though!

I had a great weekend. We had visitors, car show, writing and fun. Tomorrow my new attendant starts and I have one other test..catch up with you soon..

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Our camping trip

Camping! Ever since I've known my husband I knew he enjoyed outdoors and camping. He has always known I wasn't a fan and it has been something we just avoided. Until one day....

In the spring as we were eating dinner, Laura expressed interest  in camping. Jeff immediately perked up and said in the summer, they were going to go. I was not overly concerned because I just had Jason and summer seemed a far off place. 

Then about two weeks ago, my heart sank. On the way to the mall, Jeff said that we should better go camping before school starts again. I tried my best to have alternative plans like amusement parks,  aquarium visits, and possible camp in the backyard. It didn't work.

I don't like camping because its not accessible usually. I usually get hurt physically, my needs are compromised and I feel bad for needing things that I'm used to doing myself. Plus our family is bigger and Jason needs a lot of help now. 

I struggled a long time with going or just let Jeff take the kids. I decided to go because I knew I'd go crazy with boredom without them but most importantly I didn't want to miss out on cute moments and her reaction to camping for the first time. 

Jeff did as well as he could finding the best campground.  Unfortunately, what they considered to be an accessible bathroom wasn't. It poured rain the day we went which meant putting the tent up was extremely annoying. Jeff and Laura did it though. 

Jeff cooked some excellent meals.  Laura had a blast on the beach by the lake. On Friday she spent four hours there and Saturday it was seven. Jeff and I shared a lot of laughs. Jason enjoyed the baby pool and seemed content most of the time. 

The downfalls were I had to use adult pull ups much more than one would like. Getting in and out of the tent wasn't easy. But the most difficult part was watching Jeff do all the work. Cooking, cleaning, unpacking, packing, caring for me,  caring for Jason and helping Laura have fun.

We came home a bit early because thunderstorms were in the forecast and we were leaving next morning anyway.  I can't say that I regret camping because watching Laura being so happy, spending one on one time with Jason in early morning and laughing hard with Jeff was great.

I'm not sure if I'll go again or not. But I can say I was one happy camper to see my bathroom and took a nice long shower! 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

My bruises

I really like the song, Bruises, by Train. I think I like it because it's such a relatable song. We all have bruises. 

Imagine if we were able to see our emotional bruises. I know I'd be one big bruise made from hundreds of emotional kicks. Emotions shape who we are. We can all try to hide them, bury them but in the end, we must deal with them. 

There has been a lot of emotional stuff around our house lately. Cerebral palsy has been the ultimate root. I'm not one to feel sorry for myself but since this is my personal blog I feel safer not to hide them. I'm just beyond ready to be able to pick up my baby, swing my daughter around, do crafts, carry my baby around,  cook and clean. 

Sometimes it kills me when someone picks up Jason after I've been doing everything possible to keep him happy. I know he wants picked up but I can't. I'm ultimately happy he's happy and know my feelings are selfish but still there. Just like when Laura wants to do crafts and I can't really help her with it.

I'm not the only person feeling this way. On our camping trip, Laura told me she really wished that I could walk after seeing a mom running around with her child. Camping was more difficult on Jeff because of cerebral palsy. It's ridiculous to think something I've been dealing with for 37 years can still be so annoying. 

Today even Laura said she would put something away for me because "you know mom, you have cerebral palsy." It's like yes I know thanks. And believe me I hate feeling this way but it's better to deal with them before burying them again.

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