My bruises

I really like the song, Bruises, by Train. I think I like it because it's such a relatable song. We all have bruises. 

Imagine if we were able to see our emotional bruises. I know I'd be one big bruise made from hundreds of emotional kicks. Emotions shape who we are. We can all try to hide them, bury them but in the end, we must deal with them. 

There has been a lot of emotional stuff around our house lately. Cerebral palsy has been the ultimate root. I'm not one to feel sorry for myself but since this is my personal blog I feel safer not to hide them. I'm just beyond ready to be able to pick up my baby, swing my daughter around, do crafts, carry my baby around,  cook and clean. 

Sometimes it kills me when someone picks up Jason after I've been doing everything possible to keep him happy. I know he wants picked up but I can't. I'm ultimately happy he's happy and know my feelings are selfish but still there. Just like when Laura wants to do crafts and I can't really help her with it.

I'm not the only person feeling this way. On our camping trip, Laura told me she really wished that I could walk after seeing a mom running around with her child. Camping was more difficult on Jeff because of cerebral palsy. It's ridiculous to think something I've been dealing with for 37 years can still be so annoying. 

Today even Laura said she would put something away for me because "you know mom, you have cerebral palsy." It's like yes I know thanks. And believe me I hate feeling this way but it's better to deal with them before burying them again.

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