Tuesday, December 29, 2015

9 year old girls

Laura has always been one of the kindest, thoughtful, intelligent, loving and funniest people that I have ever met. I remember looking in her eyes at a week old and knowing she has the most amazing soul.  But like everyone, we grow and change. And in the last three months, Laura has done both and I'm trying to learn the best way to guide her.

I've heard all the horror stories of tweens. Like most parents, you always think that won't be us. We are closer than that or I parent differently so that'll never be me.  I was wrong.  No matter who you are, hormones happen and that can make someone a bit crazy.  As her mother, I want Laura to be happy and feel loved.  So, of course, I want to do everything I can to help her with that.

Sometimes she's fine, sometimes she cries, sometimes she sobs and sometimes she screams- all in five minutes. Then it continues all night long and the more you try - the worse it gets. It's all very new and frustrating for both of us. The saddest thing to hear is that she doesn't want to be this way but doesn't know how to stop. I can't make it stop. We just need to figure out methods that work for her while still being respectful to us.

Last night was a fail for both of us.  This morning and mid afternoon seemed pretty touch and go.  The rest of the day went wonderful. I did a few things differently thanks to the advice from my friends.  

I didn't esculate it by prodding, I just told her what needed to be done.  I ignored dirty looks and sighs to get to the bigger picture- getting out the door.  I compromised with her on times and how she did things. For example, I asked her to finish cleaning her room and she asked me if I was going to help. I told her no that I felt she was more than capable of doing it herself.

Laura said okay but then asked if she could watch a show on iPad while doing it. I normally say no, but instead I said the job only should take 20 minutes. If she can get it done to my approval, it would be okay.  To my surprise, her room looked great in less time. I could tell she felt proud and happy that she met the goal.  No tears or fights.

I understand this might not work each time and every day is different. However, I know we love each other and we will get through this. Also, I need to embrace that she's only nine once. Even though there are and will be lots of rough times - there is also lots of cuteness, coolness and intelligence to witness too.

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