Merry Christmas a different one, but happy Christmas

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. We had an interesting one but fun and worth it. I had to use my manual chair twice during the last two days. As some of you know, being in a motorized wheelchair and then a manual plus being carried up and down stairs can really throw a body off. But it was worth being with some and making others happy. When I was young, I was carried constantly and in many situations that never bothered me. Now I'm 40 and two kids later, my body says, "what are you doing??" 

On Christmas Eve, sadly, my Laura figured out that Daddy and I had the spirit of Santa.  Looking back on it, I could've covered it in many ways, but I didn't.  I think it was just that time she knew or my instincts would've covered.  Looking back on it, I could've said several things but none even entered my mind. We laughed, talked, and cried. But we talked lots about Santa and the loving aspect. We also talked about keeping Santa alive for Jason for many years to come! She said, "It sounds like a lot of work!" But she was happy to take it on. 

I whimpered back to my bedroom and cried.  I cried more than I ever expected to.  Part of it was that we were so close to the day.  I was mad it even happened, mad at myself, mad at Jeff and even mad at Laura for coming out an hour after bed.  It was late too! Then I reminded myself Christmas is about Jesus Christ and loving others. When I talked to Laura, she hugged me harder than ever that we did all of that for her.  So that made me smile.  I'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep as Jeff rubbed my back.  No one warns you about all the emotions that a mom goes through. 

When I woke up Christmas morning, I still had that funny feeling in my stomach but no more tears.  It was just a new stage.  Then another thing happened.  Laura sleepily let Jason out of his room when she was supposed to keep him entertained in his room until we were ready for them to see the tree. Well, he wanted out and she was very sleepy. He ran right past her and right in the living room without anyone there to catch his reaction.  I just took a deep breath. I let go and embraced the moment before getting upset. I thought it is what it is.

Jason kept saying Christmas tree and was waving a little light saber around that Jeff got him.  He wouldn't let us put the lights on to see the light saber glow in the dark so I'm not sure if he noticed the impact of the gifts.  We all sang Happy Birthday to Jesus first. Then Jeff changed his diaper. We were trying to stall so my Dad could be there.

Once we all started opening gifts, love and fun were in the air. I felt very touched and satisfied that Laura gave presents that she got us all first instead of opening her own. I thought we did it and she understands that giving is just as good - if not better - than receiving.  

Laura didn't let on at all that she knew about Santa.  My dad was mad at me when he found out because he had no clue she knew plus he hates seeing her get older.  Me too, but such is life.



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