February is for love and not cancer
Last week I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Believe me, having cerebral palsy made the diagnosis quite a process. Four mammograms, bunch of ultrasounds and finally a surgical biopsy all resulting into a telephone call that no one expects or wants. Not that our life wasn't full enough - cancer wasn't in the plan.
Luckily, as of now, I have a treatable case with a hopeful outcome. Either way, it's still scary and nothing medical for me goes smoothly. So, we are entering unknown territory and experiences. I'm scared, annoyed and frustrated but I'm still a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, writer and teacher. An annoying diagnosis doesn't need to overtake my life.
So, February is the month of love -- cancer secondary. Jason turns three in February. He's as incredible as he was when I first met him. Three years of pure joy knowing, loving, teaching and being his mommy. He is playing imagination games, learning constantly and my buddy. He doesn't need to know about cancer. He just needs to know mommy might be tired and sore but always up for cars, books, kitties, blankets and books.
February is about love. Jeff is so close to graduating LPN school. I refuse to let cancer stop that even though I know he's scared for me and has researched it like crazy. He's been very sensitive and supportive as possible. I know it's killing him inside, but we are taking it day by day. Our relationship has an underlying bond of strength that is undeniable. We are a team but know a relationship is work and needs time. We love each other and need each other so this is just another bump in our story.
February is the month of love. Soon after learning the news, tears fell without my permission. They wouldn't stop. Laura. Laura's ultimate fear is losing me. She's had this fear all of her life. So, the thought of having to tell her I have cancer was overwhelming. She knew too much and personally knows people who died from cancer. How do you tell her? I had to be honest but didn't want to be.
Laura listened as I did my absolute best in making it as optimistic as I could. She didn't cry. She asked me questions and we researched together. She said she was scared for me but supports me. I promised her that I'd tell her everything important and she needed to trust me. It was like talking to a friend instead of the terrified heart broken little girl I imagined. That is love.
So, yes, I have cancer and the road is unknown. But I'm still Jessica with many good times, laughs and love to give and receive. Please schedule your mammogram today! I hope you continue to join me as I enter this new world and we come out smiling.